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Tuesday, August 12, 2014

EX-illent Quextion

Deezy Von Geezy,

I just ran across your blog randomly, read every post, and frankly, I'm skepteezy. Oh well, I got a question and I might as well axe it. My sister is dating a skeezer and I don't know if they're right together. She keeps telling me he gives her the willers but she still brings him to parties and dances so hard with him. I told her to dump that doofer and get a real cheese, but she seems content to be a mal-content. Is there a tactical way to tell her she's dating a hog-dog?

-Lil P,
Goose Church, AL

Lillpy,

Thanks for accidentaly encountering my work and giving it a no-confidence-shot-in-the-dark. Your sixter is probably going to outgrow cheese-weiner in a few months, but advice is my game. You didn't say if she was younger or older than you, but that totally matters. If she's younger than you, just beat him up, hard. If she's your older sister, beat him up, but expect to get beat up by his buddies shortly thereafter, hard. If you're both older than 16, then beat yourself up with the hardest object you can find because you are an adult and adults know how to deal with relationships without axing questions to random internet personalities. Get a life Dick Nose...unless you're a younxter, in which case, good luck.

-gvd

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