Sunday, October 18, 2009

Heavens to Betsy

Dr. Gork,

Thanks for taking the time...

I need your help. I quit my janitorial job a few weeks ago so that I could focus on my dream. I've always wanted to be an inventor; I always hear about people making big bucks off of their inventions and I want to get in on that. My problem is that I must have inventor's block or something because I can't think of any good stuff. Do you have any invention suggestions for me? Thanks man.

-Chester Plumpings,Goldwater, CA


As you apparently guessed, I do have a rather prolific proclivity for invention. However, correct me if I'm wrong, if I tell you what to invent, doesn't that make me the inventor? Aside from violating all the probity of the Inventor's Code, it doesn't get you anywhere as an inventor to be ganking my superstar ideas. What I can do is try to help you get in the state of mind you need to be in to make some sweet and easy cash.

The first thing you need to know is that no matter how innovative and nifty your product is, nothing is going to happen overnight. There are numerous patent laws and copyright considerations you need to familiarize yourself with, not to mention marketing ploys and business cheatings. I guess what I'm saying is that it may have been a teency bit premature to quit your job.

Oh well. What's done is done. There are only 2 approaches to invention: unification and simplification . They are what they sound like. If you take the unification path, just look for things that people like to have or enjoy to do and combine them into one thing. To use a personal example, in the late 80's I invented 'Heavy Metal Jigging'. I knew that people loved traditional Irish Garb Dancing, and I also knew that people couldn't get enough rock music. I simply merged them. It didn't really catch on anywhere, save for a few remote corners of Bavaria, but you get the idea. I included a marketing video that I made of a jigging festival to help you picture it.

I suggest you steer clear of the simplification strategy as you most likely aren't intelligent enough to pull it off. I'll throw you a little bone though. What are the 2 most popular daily activities for all humans? If you guessed afternoon naps and bowel movements, you're right on the money. Find a way to combine them and you'll be swimming in green. Good luck weirdo.


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