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Saturday, January 10, 2009

Dr. Dork

My Dearest Gork,

I have no idea as to what your expertise may be, but I was hoping you could help me out with a question--and maybe help some readers as well. As I am aging (and I would rather not disclose my age), I am finding that I still think that I'm pretty fun and cool. I do not feel my age at all--even burdoned with the responsibilities of grown-up life. How is it that I can still feel like I'm cool, when I remember being a teenager and looking at people who were the age I am now and thinking they didn't have a clue about life?? And why is it that when I was a teenager, I thought I was sooo cool and now I look at teenagers and think THEY just don't have a clue?

Sincerely, Me, a dork? Impossible!

Dear Impossible Dork,

Thanks for the dorky question. You've heard the old adage that goes something like, "you're only as old as you feel", right? Well, unfortunately for you, the wisdom of that idiom only applies to age. You cannot say, "you're only as dorky as you feel" and get away with it. Just because you "feel" like you still got it doesn't mean you do. On the other hand, if you feel like you've lost it, then you probably have. That said, "cool" is still a pretty subjective term, so I've developed a more scientific approach. Let's measure coolness or "suaveness" in jean jacket units. Now let's say that suaveness (S) is dependant on your base personality (BP). This way, we can chart S vs. Age for each of the 19 different base-personalities. Then we just find your chart and check your jean jacket units. Here's the chart for the STL (Small Town Lady) BP...incidently, I've gleened from your question that this is your BP. Notice that S is constant until age 13 (13 yr olds have no jju's), then it rises sharply until the age of 21, and finally it plummets to negative infinity. This should help you to tell exactly how dorky you are if you ever start feeling cool again. Hope that helps.

-Gork

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