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Sunday, December 14, 2008

Horn of Plenty

Gork,

I have a serious problem. Shortly before the Halloween parade, I began purchasing pumpkins and gourds to decorate my home for the Autumn holidays. By the time T'gives rolled around, I had accummulated somewhere around 1,200 gourmpkins. Needless to say, I went a little overboard. Now that gourmpkin season is over, I've got to unload these things, and fast. The stench of rotting pumpkin guts has cost me dearly...my husband moved out, our horse overdosed on pumpkin slop, and the neighbors are threatening to call the coppers if I don't do something about it. What can I do?

-Beverly, Muff Creek, PA


Bev,

This is certainly a new one. You know you're insane, right? That aside, if I know pumpkins like I think I do, your entire menagerie is a mess of mushy, deflated puke balls by now. Clearly, no one in their right mind is going to take them off your hands. As I see it, your only option is to bury them. You'll need to hire a construction crew to come out and dig a grand canyon crater somewhere close by. Keep in mind, this is really a temporary solution...come gourmpkin season next year, you'll be up to your snooch in pumpkin weeds. I recommend moving out of the area after you take care of business...sounds like you've got nothing left to stay for anyways. Good luck B-pig.

-Gork

1 comment:

Ryan said...

This has nothing to do with the question, but I've been to Muff Creek many times. I've only eaten there once and I don't think I'll ever go back. I think it's the proximity to Pooville. It just doesn't make eating there very pleasant. Don't get me wrong - I love hanging out in Muff Creek - it's a warm and inviting town. No offense to anybody who finds dining in Muff Creek preferable. I just can't ignore the possible filthiness from the neighboring dump.

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