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Sunday, October 19, 2008

Of Mice and Women

Hey Gork! Great blog.

I have a rare condition known as "double-barreled mouseberger" syndrome. This syndrome results in the afflicted growing a second male appendage shortly after birth. Throughout my life I have been cursed with two dongs. Strangely this seems to be a turnoff to women after they meet them both. My question is, should I acquire a girlfriend for each mouseberger so women do not feel the pressure to satisfy both? Thanks for your help!

-Jeff P. Madison, WI

Jeff,

Fabulous! I'm curious to know if you suffer from standard "DBM" or "LDBM" (Latent Double-Barreled Mouseberger"). For our readers unfamiliar with the syndrome, the former is present at birth, while the latter doesn't show it's mousy face until adolesence. I'll assume you have standard DBM. If that's the case, I'm sorry to tell you that you are the victim of a great injustice. DBM is highly inoperable after about the 1 year point, but before that, amputation is a very realistic option. Shame on your parents for not giving the doctor the chop sign.

On to your question. In your situation, I'd be pretty surprised if you could lock down one steady girlfriend, let alone two. I suggest you set your sights on finding one girl that you can really connect with. At first, when things get intimate, give one of your micebergers "the tuck". As things progress and you feel comfortable, tell her the truth. If she's worth her weight in mice, she'll understand.

-Gork

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