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Monday, October 13, 2008

Keyholes and Missed Connections

Dear Gork,

Long time reader, first time writer. For months I've been admiring my male neighbor from afar. About 3 weeks ago, said neighbor lost his key in the hallway and I managed to pick it up. I've spent the last three weeks trying to figure out a way to give it back to him. However, I'm afraid that if I return the key now he'll wonder why I waited so long. We live in a two-unit apartment building. What should I do? Just in case you ask, I'm 100% sure he never changed his locks.

Ambiguous in Detroit,

K. Tubbs


Amby,

Quite an interesting little predicament you've gotten yourself in here. The right thing to do is to give him back his key. The fun thing to do is to keep the key and continue sneaking into his apartment. The wrong thing to do is to keep the key and quit sneaking in. There are inherant risks associated with each option, so let's examine them seperately. First off, we already know that option 3 is the wrong thing to do, so we'll just scrap that altogether. If you give back the key, you can easily lie and say you just found it, absolving you of any wrongdoing. If you continue the "sneak" strategy, he may catch you in his apartment, and believe me, there are no little white lies that can get you out of that unscathed. My advice is to listen to your heart, meditate, pray...do whatever you must. When the time is right, sneak back into his apartment and eat some of his pizza.

-Gork

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