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Monday, October 13, 2008

Ask Gork!

Dear Gork,

First of all, I love your column.

-L. Voss, Bamtucket, WI

L,

I can't help but feel you didn't finish your thought, but thanks for the kind words. Also, this is a blog, not a column.

-Gork


Dear Gork,

I'm a 41 yr old male, single, and looking desperately for anything exciting to come along. I have 2 questions. Firstly, what am I doing wrong in the dating world? I've tried everything from blind dates to internet dating, but never seem to get past the first date. I've never been married or had any long term relationships. Secondly, I recently cut off my weiner during a 36hr drug binge. Is there any way to get it back?

P.J., Whacko, TX

Peeje,

Thanks for writing in. While you say you have 2 questions, I think it's probably clear the issues go hand-in-hand. First and foremost, get a handle on your drug problem. Everything else will fall into place after that, except for your romantic life...that probably won't fall into place without a certain key instrument. The medical community has made great strides in the realm of appendage reattachment, but time is of the essence here. If you've been sitting around waiting for a reply to your question, it's too late. Good luck PJ!

-Gork

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